Well, being a teenager finally got to me. Fueled by my ever changing ever changing emotions and the new responsibilities that come with being a teenager, I had a panic attack. Wasn't I the one that was preaching about how being a teenager was easy if you channeled it all into an alternative source -- like music? Boy, was I wrong.
My panic attack was composed of many different and conflicting thoughts -- about friends, family, my future, you know, the works. Everything just came to me so fast while I was practicing piano. You know what they say, Mozart stimulates the brain.... The questions and doubts that I asked myself went something along the lines of...
What if everyone in my family dies, and I'm the only one left? What if my best friend moves away? What if I can't survive in high school? What happens if an earthquake strikes, and my family is left broken and homeless?
Being a teenager is really hard sometimes. You're caught somewhere in between being a kid and becoming a man. Sometimes, all these thoughts overwhelm me, and it seems like I'm falling into something that I can't get out of. Sometimes, I want to be independent and free, but other times, all I want to do is curl up in a ball at my mother's feet and have her tell me that everything will be okay. Where has my childhood gone? Has it all been spent worrying about things that a child shouldn't be worrying about? When other children were having fun, playing Pokemon and running around with underwear on their head, I spent my time worrying about my family, and wondering if it was going to rip at the seams.
It seems like every day I wake up, and I'm a different person. I have a variety of different moods and personalities, and I can never seem to stay the same person for long. I can be intellectual at times, I can be obnoxious, I can be annoying, but I can never be the same person for a long period of time. At times, I can be outgoing, other times I can be what some people call "emo" and stop talking to people. I'm scared of what I'm going to become when I progress into the more intense "teenage years" because on some days, it seems like I can't control what I'm doing.
Will I become a drug dealer? Will I become a gang member? Will I be a father at the age of 16? Hopefully, my friends will give me a slap in the face if I ever get into any of those things (that is not to say, that you can go around slapping me though).
Why does being a teenager have to be so hard?
Only six more years of this... this is
only my first year too! Anyone want to give me some chill pills?
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