Parenting
After the science test last Friday, I've realized that many parents honestly do not know what is best for their children. My friends who got not-so-good test marks were crying because they knew their parents would yell at them for doing poorly. One of them said that their parents call them stupid and tell them "How they could have been born in this house." My mom and I were astonished by the pressure that some parents put onto their children. When parents put pressure on their children, they're actually making them do worse. During the test, they'll be thinking, "Okay, I can't miss this question or my parents are going to kill me." Honestly, if your child is not a genius, then don't try to force them to become one. Just allow them to be who they are and just let that be enough to satisfy you. I'm probably the worst at science and math amongst my friends, but my parents always encourage me to try to do better. They don't try to make me out to be something that I'm not and they are satisfied with whatever happens when I try my best. Parents should encourage their children, not criticize them until they cry. The way to make your children produce the best results they can is to just support them and tell them that you know they're trying had. Well, unless the child isn't trying to do his best, then of course, you should tell them to try harder, but you shouldn't do it in a way that would suggest you're angry. In my opinion, parents should never use an angry tone with their children -- I know, I have a pretty liberal view on parenting, but my parents never really use an angry tone with me, and I've come out alright... right? That was a rhetorical question... which means you're not supposed to answer it. ;) Some people believe that a good, disciplined child comes from beatings and punishments, but what does that truly accomplish? All it does is cause the child to become scared of their parents. It will cause them to be stressed and they won't do as well on tests as other children. A belt to the behind is not the way to get your children to listen to you. So, unlike some of my friends, I go into a test and I'm calm. I don't try to get all of them right, because I know I'm not going to. Instead of stressing over every single question, I try to have fun during a test and I also try to learn as I take the test. What do you think is the best way of parenting? What kind of parenting style do your parents use?This entry was posted on April 29, 2008 at 08:38 PM and is filed under Personal,friends,Thoughts,.
By Holly · on April 29, 2008
I feel sorry for those friends of you who are pressured by their parents. I kind of know how they feel…
At the beginning my parents never really forced me to get good grades. I don’t even remember them ever mentioning anything about it. So I did pretty good in my first years of school, never getting less than an A, and my parents (and I) got used it. One time in fifth grade I got a C on a test and my parents were called - I was terrified! There were other C’s and D’s and F’s, but my parents were the only ones called, because I was “the A student”. My parents were upset about the grade, and that’s when I learned that they were so used to me getting A’s, that they’d never accept anything less than that. I had a B on a class in eight grade and my parents flipped again. It was horrible! They were already thinking about me failing school, dropping out, summer school, etc. I never got less than an A again, and graduated high school with straight A’s… but it didn’t mean anything to me! Surprisingly, I don’t think it meant anything to them either. They were just used to it. Their pressure was silent, and at the same time they made me feel so embarrassed of doing less than perfect. That said, I never thought of them or what they’d think while I took the test. Most of the time I was extremely confident of doing well…
I don’t know about the “correctness” of their method though. They never told me anything like “you should be studying”, and they didn’t ground me for less-than-perfect grades, but their words were just… bad :P I don’t know if their “method” worked or if it was just me, completely independent of their influence who got the grades.
I certainly would like my kids (if I have any) to have excellent marks in school and graduate high school with only A’s on their record, but yeah, I don’t think that’s something you can force on anyone. It’s normal for parents to want the absolute best for their kids, but sadly, some forget that making them go through all that stress is not the best for them.
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... Riight. Who can have fun during a test? That’s strange. You know, there’s probably a reason your mom doesn’t use the model described above. And how many people do you actually know that get beaten?
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You need to meet my mum and lecture her. Please fly down to Australia immediately. Right this minute. Hah.
I think that parents should start off (you know, toddler years, primary school years) somewhat more disciplining. Kids end up being spoilt if you start off nice. Take my brother. My mother talks to him nicely to no end about ‘how he shouldn’t get angry at other kids and scream and yell and throw tantrums and show other types of behaviour that might indicate he has anger problems’, but in the end he does it anyway.
Then the parents can release their hold somewhat and make sure their hormonal teenage child doesn’t go mental.
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And you wonder why you never get A’s on Ricks tests.
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I agree that overly abusing your child is useless, sentences like “how can you have been born into this house” is completely unnecessary. However, I do think that it’s important to discipline your children earlier in their life so that they develop good habits. Learning and studying habits are things that the parents have to enforce on their children, if they did that step well, then their child’s adolescence should be a lot better and school should be easier for them.
I also somewhat find that some parents are way too easy-going and just let their kids do whatever they want. Parents shouldn’t be over-controlling, but they should at least give an opinion on their kids’ decisions. After all, they have had more experience. Of course, this doesn’t mean that they should force their opinions on their child, but giving them a little guidance doesn’t hurt. :P
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LOL. at Juan and Drawde’s comments. xD
And when people say “kill me”; they really mean… Scold at your for at least 2 hours.
The problem with your parental style, is that there isn’t enough challenge on your children. They will eventually get to be YOU, who gets used to getting Cs or lower on tests. And eventually will stop trying so hard. Because they know that their dad or mom will just say: That’s okay, just do better next time.
A nice scolding will set their mind straight. :)
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I agree with you completely. It’s one thing to encourage your child to do well academically, and to apply themselves and put effort in, but quite another to put so much pressure on them that the child feels that regardless of how well they do, they will never be good enough.
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